So true!
So today was "spa day" at the rec center on base...don't get excited now, it is two double-wides pushed together with a wall knocked out. There's a fooseball table and a bar that serves "near beer" (non-alcoholic O'Douls) woo hoo.
But the dryness of this desert has done murder to my cuticles, so before lunch I walked over to see what "spa day" was all about.
Crammed into a side room was a table with smelly locals advertising various "spa" services. I looked at the list and marveled at the fact that they wanted to charge $30 to put your feet in a five-gallon bucket and wash them with a sponge that looked like it had just been used to clean the floor. Geee-rosss!
So I smiled and put on my cover and walked back out into the blistering sun...muttering under my breath and vowing to NEVER get any "spa" services done until I get back home...now that I think about it, they also offered waxing services...I hate to think what that involved... :P
I decided to go to chow, since I was fairly close by. I walked in, let the doorman check my ID and went to wash my hands. When you walk in the chow hall there is a forked entrance with 3 hand wash stations on each side. I haven't ever felt the urge to use the restroom when I've been there, but I had chugged 3 bottles of water and really had to go. So I walked in to the restroom...
Immediately I realized I had made a mistake when I saw the urinals along the wall...for a fleeting instant I tried to convince myself that the bathrooms were unisex and this must be normal, but I knew I was just kidding myself...
Already committed at this point (there were several people walking into the hall at a given moment) I decided to just go with it because no one was in there. Without breaking stride I went right into a stall and shut the door. I took a "combat pee" (which really just means you go as fast as you can without fully sitting) and prayed that no one would walk in....
God must have been busy, because before I could buckle my belt I heard the door open and footsteps come in. Still praying that this was all just a big mistake and I must have imagined the urinals, I held my breath and waited until the footsteps stopped and I heard the door open, thinking whoever it was must have left. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open, only to be staring at the backs of 2 gentlemen relieving themselves into the urinals (that were definitely not imaginary).
Once again, without breaking stride, I was out of that bathroom in 2 giant steps, stepped over to the sink, washed my hands again, refusing to look up to stare into the faces of the curious airmen that must have been wondering what the heck I was doing in the mens bathroom....
...First of all, I would like to point out that the universal symbols for men's and ladie's restrooms (the stick-man and stick-woman-with-a-dress) are completely misplaced in this environment! Think about it, we all look the same! We all were ABU's and boots (which I realized when I attempted to determine the gender of the people in the bathroom by staring out from underneath the door) so technically, from a pictoral standpoint, we all fall into the category of the stick-man. THERE ARE NO WOMEN HERE THAT WEAR DRESSES! So...I have decided to petition the Services department to have the words "MEN" and "WOMEN" stenciled on the door...so that some other lost LT doesn't suffer the same fate as me.
Red-faced LT over and out...
